It takes a village…..by Judy Dooley

It takes a village…..by Judy Dooley

imagesI want to tell you that I have an amazing co-parent relationship with my ex husband where in the land of fairy tales we follow our parenting plan without fault and delight in one another’s company, but ours is more like an evil plot designed by the Grimm brothers.

Truthfully, I’d like to ship him to Siberia, sell him in slave trade or pay someone into hypnotising some degree of sense into him (and I’m sure he has equally evil fantasies about my fate!)

But, we do have 6 wonderful children that we have to raise, so I’m often rapping myself over the knuckles and biting my tounge.

This weekend was no exception. King

Tuts girlfriend , dropped her teen son in our area to spend time with our son R. All was great , except she never collected him. The boy then slept at another child’s home and was stuck for a lift home the next day.

Needless to say, we took him home, not without a level of dramatics that deserved an Oscar. But all of that is a tale for another day …..

My lesson this weekend went a lot deeper than who would take a child home or even whose child it was.

As adults we’ve made our choices , our mistakes and formed the paths of our journeys. We consciously brought beautiful children into this world and we daily make choices that affect them , directly or indirectly.

Our biggest mission is to raise those kiddos to be well adjusted ,functioning members of society .

We are our children’s role models and so often we focus on correcting them and their behaviour but how often do we focus on correcting our own?

Children model what they see. Are you showing them the best version of yourself ?

As the horrid banter about this poor teen not being my responsibility grew on the Richter scale , I could have easily let my ego win and left him to skate home (an hours skate from us) but I chose differently……

I looked at my kids and realised we had both chosen to introduce new partners into their lives and those partners have children.

As adults we owe it to our kiddos to show a level of respect to the other partners whom they have an attachment to, just as we do to their other parent. My children look at these other kids as their ‘step’ siblings and so want to spend time and share their joys with them. I owe it to my children to help them develop healthy relationships, make things easier and just as I would get to know and help their friends, help their step siblings aswell.

Its is after all Not about me. Its about my kiddos.

Yes, this is not my child and not my responsibility but, he is a part of my children’s lives and after all as the saying goes , It takes a village to raise a child.

Does this mean all is peachy in the land of co-parenting? No, but it does mean that I will encourage the relationships between my children and their siblings and include them where B and I can.

Blended families are hard work. We need to be mindful in all we do . We sacrifice a lot and often have to change our way of parenting and thinking to make it work. Its about daily learning. Making mistakes and forgiving them. But, mostly its about remembering who is important and doing your best for them.

 

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