He taught me to live without him…….by Judy Dooley

He taught me to live without him…….by Judy Dooley


A girlfriend and I sat talking about our past’s last week and the subject of ex husbands came up.

 She asked what went wrong….

 I set about telling her my story of 20 odd years of marriage. How I’d fallen in love with a high school Romeo and divorced a monster I didn’t recognise.

 It dawned on me a few hours after she left that it wasn’t the abuse , his affairs or the children that crept out of his secret closet that pulled us apart.

The answer was much more simple…

 He taught me to live without him!

 You see , each time I cried I learnt not to trust him. When he was away or too busy or ignoring his family he taught me to raise my children alone. He taught me to enjoy my own company as he couldn’t prioritize time for me. He taught me to be my own best friend each time he dismissed my conversations , didn’t have time or left me alone in the middle of the night.

 With each harsh word he spoke and each degrading name he called me , he taught me to love myself. He showed me to make a world for myself and my children. With every dream he crushed and every time I couldn’t rely on him for support he taught me I could live without him.

Instead of being someone I needed to complete my life, he showed me he was the one person I could live without.

 After all a relationship is a partnership … two best friends who need each other to complete their worlds.

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